Sunday, December 17, 2006
Not Being Liked
If I am honest with myself I have to admit that I want to be liked by all. My experience in life tells me that just isn't going to happen. Yet it is something I desire. Now at first this desire might seem like a good idea but when I look at it carefully I discovered it is not. One reason it is not is that it makes me fearful of exposing myself. You know, it's the “if I allow you to know me you won't like me", thing. This fear caused me to be shallow in my thinking and my commitment to any moral code. I was nothing more than an actor, or a politician. I became so broad minded that I was shallow. Fear of "What will they think" and "what will they say" caused me to hide any uniqueness I may have had. That is until the day I was asked, exactly who are "they"? As I thought about it I realized that I didn't know. I concluded that the "They” was a metaphor for the unknown. I was afraid of the unknown. Am I just rambling or has anyone out there battled with this problem?
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9 comments:
Right on! This is something that I became aware of in me in recovery. It still haunts me if I don't keep myself in a "spiritual" connection. Still, its a constance battle. Some days I'm ahead of "they" by three links; others "they" are nipping at my heals.
Yes! I use to walk around thinking of ways to make people smile so they'll take notice of me and like and adore me. It was a stupid shallow way to live and at times I find myself slipping back into that mentality. I try to remind myself even if not everyone loves me the lord does and you can't get much better than that. I mean come on! He made the WHOLE world!
I know what you mean. I've forever tried to change myself to be liked, and it makes me feel so weak and helpless: anxious. You have to work hard at it all the time.
I have the same problem, it is an incredibly crippling disease that is almost impossible to shake.
I cannot approach anyone out of the fear of being judged negatively, I find it hard to make friends, feel self conscious all the time and always have my guard up. It is a pain in the arse having to deal with this crap everyday, on top of that I put tremendous amounts of pressure on myself to try and make friends, when that fails, I beat myself up.
I try to compensate by telling myself I am smarter then everyone else and I will become a briliant scientist, so when I study and fail to completely understand stuff first time around, I beat myself up and tell myself I am stupid.
I suppose we all have our genetic role to dice, and mine happense to be an anxious, tense, insecure person.
The things we have to live with...
I know exactly what you're saying... and it is a struggle either way. Trying to be liked, it's really tiring. And the reality that not everyone will like you, it's not your fault, in fact, it probably has nothing to do with you! I am struggling with it, but glad to know there are friends out there...
It's Strange, I just don't enjoy being around people, don't like the thought of not being liked, sometimes I blame the topic of conversation and say it's not me its boarding, kind of helps for a moment but it's nothing long term,
I don't hate myself, I know I'm a good person, I just dislike the ridiculously uncomfortable feelings that are always somehow automatically summonsed when I'm around others,
I don't want to depend on alcohol to numb these feelings, I don't like drinking anyway, I don't really want to converse with myself in my head and try to pick the most appropriate character to match the surroundings, I just want to be me, and not be presented with these unnecessary feelings wtf!
'They' could also be a metaphor for 'yourself'. To be honest and fully accept yourself, the good and the bad, must be the greatest feeling. I'm still working on it and I am convinced once I have, I will no longer let the negative energy I recieve from certain people bother me. They are teaching me to like and love myself more because when I do, their negative perspective will no longer matter. This is the battle I'm determined to win. No one who truly matters should ever want you to be anyone other than yourself.
I think we think this way because we believe ourselves inadequate, of whatever high standard some set to us, and those we set for ourselves. A fear of being exposed, it is a mask to cover what we think is not good enough according to ourselves and according to those around us.
I was reading this because I share a similar problem. The only difference is that I do not try to make friends. I just feel very uncomfortable in situations with people I don't know. And I avoid the phone at all cost because it makes me feel very awkward. But one thing that I noticed in reading these comments that have been since 2006 is that most all people who commented seem to be very intelligent (going by reading their post). Perhaps this is a common issue with people who are above average in their intellect_ just some food for thought.
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